it doesn’t anymore

I don’t know

What drives me anymore

This poetry I depend on

Can’t heal the wound anymore

I have been writing

And writing

Crying repeatedly about suicide

But there’s nothing I do

Maybe I’ll do something

Maybe I’ll slit my wrist

And make my friends and family cry

Leaving them asking questions

Why did he take his life?

 

If you know 13 reasons why

Then my death would be like Hannah’s

She had flaws

I also do

But I would mine to hers.

 

Sorry I can’t anymore

This might be a goodbye.

 

7288e30553d16fcbb43cf80ba2fa0c65

Advertisements

The tape of Clay and Hannah

Have you ever watched the series?

Do you know the pain?

Have you ever felt lonely?

 

Well I do

I try to hide that every day, no one wanting to hear me out

All they say go find help

Maybe you’ll feel better

But what is better?

 

I’m in suffering as you know

Unable to find help.

 

Oh yeah, this poem isn’t about my depression

It isn’t about my anxiety

It isn’t about my panic attacks

But it is about how I usually let go of people

I fell in love with

I’m attracted to

 

Maybe I’m another Clay and they are Hannah

The girl who wanted to be loved

And Clay the guy who was afraid to love

 

This isn’t one of those poems I cry for help

I wrote this to say I’m stupid

And I might kill myself

Maybe I will start recording some tapes

I know you might cry for me

But why would you cry

For an empty guy

For a lost guy

And for a guy you didn’t give a shit about.

 

 

This is REal

I loved you when God made you

The rhythm of these words

Call God himself

Who is more than a person

Who is more than a spirit

And who is more than love,

 

Oh God I’m afraid

She could say she doesn’t believe me

When I say

I love her

But what is to believe in love

Something that doesn’t breathe.

 

Love doesn’t have to be a person

Love doesn’t have to something that breathes day and night

But love must be a reality.

When it is over

Pain is what
You taught me

Being afraid
Was your greatest strength

But love was your weakness
You told yourself

You’ll love till
You die

That was your vow to me
But now it’s over

Are you regretting your love to me?
Or Are you glad that it’s over?

I could have loved you
But my conscious

Told me
You were not worth it

Sorry to say
It is over.